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However unintentionally, you broke through all of my defenses, scaled the walls I built around myself and wormed your way into my heart and soul. I f...iled to realize it was happening until it was too late. You had already left. They say parting is such sweet sorrow and I have to agree. I cried for days after you had gone, hating myself for being so weak, cursing you for leaving and not feeling what I felt. I know it’s futile to write this, but I feel that I ma receive some closure in. I remember that eventful day Roderick brought the doctor in, his sarcastic manner scared me as he came over, "Last chance to get you better." With no respect for my position he just pulled me up, I looked at the doctor for sympathy and support as he poured the medicine in to the spoon. It was then I realized it was a different doctor.I took the liquid, stupidly thinking it was going to make me feel more like my old self besides I needed it but I soon found out how wrong I was, my whole body. He was the most experienced barrister in the county, if Judge Valasik wasn't considered. He was also abidingly fair and impartial.I informed Jane of the potential conflict of interest, but after a meeting with Judge Castille and the president judge, Jane agreed that the man had the perfect temperament for a capital case.Judge Castille, however, took some convincing. It was only his overriding love for law and justice (two things I viewed as mutually exclusive) that he put his black robe on. Guys my age went on missions, period. To not go meant total social censure and possibly being disowned by one’s family. It would also mean not having any girl to date or marry you since they were all groomed from the cradle to only marry returned missionaries.This would have been bad enough even if I still believed in the church but deep down, I didn’t anymore. Even before I left I had questioned many things. There was just too much that was illogical, contradictory, clashed with well.
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