Are you thirsty?Dear god yes, I’ll have a 20oz of whiskey.*2 hours later*I woke up, apparently passed out from the excessive amount of whiskey, but ...ith a sharp pain in my behind. I looked back and saw what it was. There was a beer bottle sticking up out of my ass, buried the length of the neck. I had played with my asshole a lot recently, hoping I could fool Cleveland in to thinking I’m actually a girl by getting him drunk, and letting him ass fuck me. Well, it turns out things went the other. And then there was a kiss. We snogged for a bit and my hands wandered around her shoulders and massaged her neck. She moaned. After a good hour of knotting our tongues together and our hands touching up our chests she looked at me and said: "You are amazing but I have to go now. I am sorry". Before I could get up (utterly speechless from the kisses and the abrupt good-bye) she picked up her things and left.The next week at work we sort of avoided each other but one day I saw her alone at the. Ish.The tee shot needs to have at least a 200 yard carry to get over the purple heather in front of you and down both sides of the fairway. My drive was anything but straight ... ish and landed in deep heather, having being blocked out right by my errant swing. I then had one of those Hamlet moments (popular small cigar) where a cigar would have been preferable than to try to hack out the little bugger, followed by a putt for double bogey. Great start! At least I kept the ball.Hole 2. Par 4,. ’ ‘Great.’ I thought, not answering. ‘Abnormal?’ No shit. ‘How soon before I can get out of here?’ ‘Oh, three, maybe four days. Then some followup.’ He went over the mess, broken left arm in thirteen places, broken shoulder, broken left leg in two, four broken ribs, concussion, fractured cheekbone, nose rather badly messed up from the airbag, plus the usual rotator cuff injury. I asked for a mirror. The nurse brought one, I looked and set it aside. I hated my nose all my life. Now I wanted it.
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