I was free to go in and look around. Maybe I’d even find a pair of her panties. I found myself going back, almost as if I was watching someone else ...o it, or imagining it in my head. I pushed open her door with a giddy, foolish smile, almost creeping like I would be heard or caught. I walked in and ignored the teen band posters on the wall, her desk with school stuff on it, the few articles of clothes on the floor, and went straight for her closet where the clothes hamper was.Right on top, as. The first time he said this I hit himwith a pillow and we both laughed until we cried.Even now, as I enter my sixties, I'm not sure that I've ever reallybeen in love. It's funny, that for a poet and novelist who has writtenabout love in so many of its forms, for such a ridiculous number ofyears, that I still can't define it to my own satisfaction. I think,though, that if I ever loved anyone, it was Anthony. He wasn't themost affectionate man I've known, and God knows he wasn't perfect, butI. At first, I was happy just to not feel the arthritis. Thento have my hair not gray and thin. Then the firm bosom. I'd step awayfrom the machine, ready to go out and start again, only to come back afew hours later, ready to look younger and sexier." She made a ruefullaugh. "It's a good thing it stopped working when it did."Jake laughed. "You would have wound up Traci Lords." Who?" Teen-age porn star in the late eighties." Jake felt the disapprovinglook. "Not that I've seen any of her. Sophia stood beside me with a hand on my shoulder as the girls climbed back on the bed. She smiled down and me and ruffled my hair.Arranging things at bedtime took some planning. The grab bar was over the near side of the bed as you come into the room. When I pulled myself up into the bed, my right arm would be closest to the door and my left, injured stub would be on the side of the bed with the most room.What ended up being the best setup, considering how sore my stub is, was to have Sophia.
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