Parker lets me cry without interruption until only intermittent sobs shake my frame. He has his first and only nice, spontaneous gesture to me. He bri...gs some Kleenex and puts them to my nose. With his help, still spread-eagled, I manage to blow my nose. I try to smile at him."Thanks" I whisper.He moves behind me. I can no longer see him. He waits for my signal. He will not start until I ask him to. The cruelty of this is incredible. For every phase of my torture, for every area of my body that. " "Man, the thing to do when you fall off is just get right back on," I was told; "get your social life started again." Nobody seemed to remember that, pre-Susan, my "social life" had been pretty much a zero; that kind of goes with the status of certified nerd. Besides, when you've had your dream and lost it, it's tough to get all excited over the idea of settling for an empty substitute.But my friends didn't want to listen to that, which they downplayed as "just whining." I'm not sure why. To my surprise, Jamie actually took it! I’d never seen her smoke before, I don’t even know if she ever had, but what a fun surprise! She held it up, took the tiniest little puff, made a face, and tried not to cough. Melissa and I, both surprised by this unexpected development, just laughed and cheered her on.“Whoo hoo! Go Jamie!”Jamie proceeded to go to town on it. It would go from me, to Jamie, to Melissa, back to Jamie… so yes, Jamie was getting double dosed, and getting good and stoned real. There will not be anybody there. It's dark too. Carlos gets dressed. I put my coat on and we head out. We get there, step out of the car and Carlos says to me, wait, come here a sec. I stop and he reaches in my coat and slides my panties down. I put my hands on his shoulder and step out of them. He throws then in the car and we go in. There were a few guys and a couple at the bar. They check us out as we go in but no one has an idea I'm not wearing anything but my coat, shoes and stockings..
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