I pulled two mugs and filled them both. I had put creamer and sugar packets on the table while the coffee dripped. I put her full mug on the table and...sat down with mine. I drank mine. She doctored hers pretty thoroughly with creamer and two sugars. She made a face as she drank it. I knew it was strong. That was the way I liked my coffee, hot and strong.I said, “What’s your name?”“Alice. Alice Wi-Wilcox. The way she stumbled over her last name. I doubted that it was real. She seemed unused to. .maybe not curious...envious would be a betterword. I asked what it felt like to have the polish on and I told her howbeautiful I thought it looked.So, being the good and attentive older sister she was... she shaped mynails, cut back the cuticles, and applied three coats of a clear butslightly rose tinted polish. I found the entire process to be totallythrilling. I sat patiently and quietly the whole time. She talked awayat a mile a minute about everything and anything; this was all so. "Mackenzie, my parents are leaving to go to Alabama to visit my sister at college for the night, they will be getting back Sunday afternoon and until then I or we have the house all to ourselves until then. Don't tell anybody because I honestly don't want to have a party, but why don't you come stay with me for the night?" Josh asked, hoping that she would say yes."Sure, that sounds like a lot of fun, I'm gonna have a make a lie or two to get it past my parents, I'll see what I can do.". ........Am I a sissy, or is it something even more? Itseems through all my life I've been taking steps towards a goal I stillcan't see. What is beyond these games? Something more permanent.I think about that. What it would mean to me and those around me, thoseclosest. What they might say if I actually dared to mentiontransitioning. Is that a part of Maggie's game? Would I do it? I havesacred childhood memories that have been rising within me: of wishing Iwas a girl, wondering why I was trapped.
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