That, too, would remain in my mind forever. I sighed deeply and did a mental shoulder shrug. There wasn’t much more I could do. I turned around, wal...ed back into my apartment, and closed the door behind me. ‘The secret lies in a couple of pairs of letters: RC and HH,’ she said as she left. I thought about these words, her last words — or whatever they were. I guess I didn’t get ‘last words,’ I just got two pairs of ‘last letters.’ What the hell did that mean? How had four letters helped her to. I didn't stay much longer that afternoon. I said my goodbyes after making arrangements to pick the girls up next weekend. It worked well that it was Anne's week with the girls. I needed a chance to think things through, before I faced the pressure I was sure they would exert for Anne and I to get back together.Maybe Annie had been telling me the truth when she said that she wasn't going to pressure me but I wasn't about to expect the same consideration from my girls.I didn't get much work done. I was filled with nervous excitement to go back to his house, to be in his room again. I didn’t know if he would invite me over, but I wanted him to. I sooo wanted him too. I was thrilled when he did. Light headed, like floating on a cloud, we walked home together.I was so ready for another encounter, so ready to take it further. So was Derick it turns out. Once in his room, without even speaking he removed his shirt, then he removed his pants. Totally nude with his back towards me, my eyes. I looked to bean absolute female. With all of the changes nothing seemed to be meanymore. The girls stopped coming by. Dan was my only companion. I don'tbelieve this a coincidence. Something or someone is pushing me to be afull fledge female. I do not have much fight left in me. What I needed tounderstand was if I was sober could I participate in a relationship withDan. Up till now I was plied with intoxicating beverages or some otherform of reality altering substance, could I really live as a.
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